Society's Standards of Beauty

 Credits to Summer Yuen for this candid shot

Hi. I have not been updating this space for about 2 weeks now and I am sorry. I was really occupied with all the activites that having personal time for myself was not on my mind. This post shall be an update about my life for the past 2 weeks. I think I should start my own reality TV show, I am sure  "Keeping Up With Risny Tan" will be a hit. Maybe except less ginormous butt air time in it and also more subtle contouring ( no I am not referring to the Kardashians, please do not jump into conclusions )

Well I started college, and I guess as the days goes by, things are getting better? Also, last week was the date of the Nerd Party which the whole team and I really put our whole effort by starting out at noon and ending at night to get things done daily for that whole week. I am honestly really glad for their help as it would not be a reality without all of them.

On a more emotional side note, recently I have been having these thoughts on going in my head. My insecurity shot up sky-high since I started school. I guess witnessing all these perfect girls in my school walking around gracefully puts me in a position to feel as if I am obligated to look like one of them. I actually did try adjusting my style so that I would fit in into that category for a day, but I soon gave in to my old style. 

I did not felt like myself and I was so insecure. Actually, I still am lol. I do not have glistening pearly white skin like the rest of the girls. Neither do I have long slim legs, a slender body and also a shining aura bursting up from me when I walk as if the lights of heaven shadows my movements.I have a rather tan red skin undertone and I do not have a slender body. Satisfaction about myself actually sometimes does dwells within me but my features do not fit into the criteria of 'beauty' in the eyes of the society. I have a large body frame rather than a small petite body frame like how most of the girls do. I do not have a cute height where guys tower them, instead sometimes I am the one towering them or averagely, we are both the same height. I am not saying that all guys I meet are short, it just happens in general that my height is considered the average height for men in my country but I do know of guys who are taller than me.  I am just basically speaking out in general.

Will I ever be able to reach society's standards of beauty? That, I will never know. But I do know one thing is that, I absolutely do not need to conform to society's standards of beauty. Maybe I will continue with my fad diet lol. But as for the rest, I am still going to be me. Risny Tan. I am not going to limit my love for outdoor activites due to the fact I do not want to get any shade darker (which I so happen to actually love my tan but secretly everyone hates, except for my caucasian friends lol) If people are not bothered into getting to know me because of the lack of my features, I honestly do not care. I love myself and I will find better people out there who actually likes my personality rather than my appreance.

I hope coming off as arrogant or snobbish did not drop into your mind after reading this post. I still have my insecurties, yes. But I am not going to let it take a toll in my life because I personally feel that it did managed to take a toll during these past few weeks. 

Not going to lie, sometimes I have thoughts about how if I only modified myself, I would be accepted. But would that not defeat the purpose of me being myself? I mean, come on.

I am Risny Tan. I am irreplacable. HAHA okay that was clearly a bad joke.

Cheers.